Thursday, April 12, 2018

Pay Back is a Bitch...


     Dramatic? Maybe no more than the beginning of the year, I suppose; since this comic's related.

     I've said it before, over on my Facebook page, that I'm torn some on the whole idea that the universe... or The Universe... is either an existence ruled by cause and effect, or perhaps something more that might nudge things one way or they other.  Perhaps a thing made manifest; born from our beliefs, or maybe our emergent consciousness?

     Eh, I don't know; I'm only a cartoonist, and not much of that, these days. But here's what I do know; for years I have played with the idea of leaving to go start a life up north. And despite being thwarted over and over again, I finally made a chance happen... and then my life took a first class, A ticket shit.

     Since coming home, it's been a series of two steps forward, one step back; each one with a little more sting.

     Okay, to be truthsome on the thing, I have managed some positive steps. I'm squaring up the debt I racked up trying to be a Seattlite. After a few sputters I managed a decent job. And I have managed some sort of semblance of going out and doing things. Heck, I've even managed some dates and some physical stuff, too.

     That said, my credit has taken a HUGE hit, which has affected my ability to find a place of my own to call home for the moment. And the payments for such are big, to say the least; impacting my liquidity once I do find myself out of my friend's charity.

     I find myself scampering to keep myself occupied a lot. Worse, a lot of the places I'd like to go, and things I'd like to do, now that I'm expanding my existence, are occupied by the latest heartbreak, which certainly doesn't make anything awkward or uncomfortable, no. (Plus the first class shit storm burn that fiasco ended up being.) Not to mention the ups and downs of dating; where drama lurks at every turn, along with uncertainty and loads of doubt. And then there's trying to find my way into friendly company... because suddenly I'm horribly social uncomfortable?! How did that happen?

     There's already been drama in the acting guild I rejoined so I could flex my acting muscle, again; enough to make me reconsider even getting up on stage with them, again. (Which is a shame, because they are a first rate group who do a good job entertaining a crowd, let me tell you.) And then a few friends have felt the impact of the walking disaster my life's become, and have not walked away unscathed.

     Honestly, it feels like no matter what I do, The Universe wants me to make absolutely sure how displeased it is with me that I did what I did. Maybe I not only need to atone, but also toughen up for something coming down the line? Or, of course, it could all be in my head; I am human, after all, and we're famous for drawing connections and conclusions where none exist. Except there's still this feeling...

     Eh; either way I'm going to be one tough SOB when this is all over. I hope.