Just a couple days ago it became apparent to me that something had become very different in my life. Just a couple days ago I could tell there was a certain urgency, suddenly, in my life. Just a couple days ago everything I was doing seemed to matter, just a little more.
Just a couple days ago I turned 39.
So, yeah, here begins my mid-life crisis. It's not completely unique, though. I have to admit I'm trying to look and act as young as possible; despite changes to my body. And, boy, let me tell you; am I ever getting all introspective about all the things I have, and haven't, done.
But where it gets different from other buddies I've known and lost to their mid-life crises is how it seems to be manifesting itself. Seems like, while most guys are busy trying to recapture some magic of their youth, and assert themselves as still a viable, dominate male, I'm putting my energies into making myself into, as I see it, a complete man; educated, experienced, and with a body of accomplishments I can look back on and be proud of.
In short, while they're off trying to relive their glory days, I'm working to make mine now.
School has moved from an Associates degree to a full blown Bachelors. Over at The Conductor's Office I've been posting up lyrics for the band I'm putting together. I've begun a couple new hobbies, like photography, that also tie in with Graphic Design. I'm broadening my art horizons. I've changed my look, some, and have put a huge effort into getting healthy. And I'm exploring, and challenging, every notion I've held, at this point, about life, and how to live it.
It's sort of my own "re-branding", to borrow a Graphic Design term; same product, but with a new look, and an expanding range of goods. Not that I'd pass up the idea of a hot, young, girlfriend, mind you. I mean, I may be "enlightened" all the sudden... but, hey, I'm still a guy.
As months go, this past February has probably got to be one of the worst on current record...
Not the worst, mind you; that's reserved for a particular August back in 1991.
But, still, it was a particularly tough month; as illustrated by the nearly complete lack of anything going on here, I suppose. Though it did open well enough; school was going good, I returned to working, and was going to make an "okay" wage, and someone special in my life was becoming someone very special in my life.
And then the job turned out to be an absolute nightmare, which impacted school and my health, and very special was too special for someone special in my life. Add to that we finally began closing out the estate of my late grandparents; which had a bigger impact on me that I ever thought would.
It's fair to say I found myself in more than just a little funk; I was outright depressed. Things were rough for a while, walking around all battered and raw. But then I got to remembering the words of an American poet...
image courtesy of gagthat.com
I'm still in a walking funk - dark clouds still linger, just a little, but I'm pushing ahead, getting out, and getting things done. Like Robert says, life goes on, and so will I. I've got a new hobby, I'm being social, and I'm sticking to it with school and other projects.
Slowly, things will get back to normal, and we'll be seeing more comics, here, at Grand Central. Hopefully, with any luck, and a little hard work, a few special announcements, too.