With any luck, this will be my last post on this. With any luck, I will begin to heal. But right now I'm hurting so badly that it takes most of my strength just to face the day.
But then, that's only natural. Very few are spared a breakup. Most of us, at some point, will wonder over and over; what could I have done better? Where did I miss my chances? What made me so wrong? Why couldn't I just say the things I needed to say? And, of course, a whole mound of questions that tear at our sense of worth, ripping us down to near nothing.
Me? I suppose I should have said more, and said it sooner. Maybe I should have been able to read better any signals, one way or the other, she was giving me. I tried to be a nice, good guy, and waited until I thought it was right to get back to working on us while she knocked away at her own personal demons. To not push.
Shows you what I know.
Luckily, like all things in life, this will not last. I will go back to getting a full night's sleep, and even eating a full meal (Though, to be honest, the weight loss is a nice little bonus.), and making funny and adventurous comics, again. For now, though, it has to hurt. Maybe I've earned it? Or, maybe it's just supposed to hurt. That way you don't... hopefully... make the same mistakes again.
I am still always going to love her. She was, to be honest, the greatest love of my life, despite all our issues. I hope that she'll always know that. But, now it's time to learn to live, again, and - regretfully - move on.
To the hurt and the loveless; may we find each other, someday.