Thursday, May 3, 2018

Amber Alert

     Kim and I have been going back and forth for a long time. And, despite some low points we've had some amazing high and funny points. 

     When I moved back to California we were going to work on us. After a very rough start, I had thought we were making good progress, and I was going to surprise her after the holidays - when she's usually swamped with work at The Great Dickens Fair - with a ring and the proposal she has always been asking me for.
     Instead, she surprised me by announcing through social media over the holidays that they guy who was "just a friend" she was helping through a break up was now the new boyfriend. A month later they moved into together. I suppose I should have worked harder. 

     Luckily I got most the money back on the ring, so I could afford a traffic ticket I had gotten over the holidays rushing to visit her.

     A few months later I went out on a limb and asked Yesenia out; this fun young lady from my old karaoke social circle. We got a long great then, so I figured why not. And at first it was awesome... until she started to drift, and dodged further date requests. Turns out she was going out with me just to see if she if she had fallen out of love with the boyfriend she failed to tell me about, or list anywhere on her Facebook page. She only owned up to it via a text message when this comic originally posted.

     And then Amber...

I'm going full on hermit mode, to reply to your email. 
I won't be answering phone calls or texts. Know that I'll be ok. 
Expect a postcard. I'm sorry to do this to you, and to everyone.

Be well

That was all the message on my Twitter said, after a little more than a week of silence following a couple of odd messages since Amber went home to SoCal. Just earlier that day I had sent her another message asking her if she was okay, to which she made a post on her Facebook that she was leaving for a while, but she'd be back again, some day. And then an hour later closed out her Facebook account.

I've talked a little about Amber, before. She'd been up from SoCal to help her grandmother out, who had had a nasty spill and was recovering from some surgery. True to her warm and giving nature, Amber had dropped everything and was working to manage her grandmother's recovery despite being left holding the bag by her family. It's the kind of person she is. 

And then, when she could find the time, we would spend a little time together doing stuff. After the hurt and confusion of the past few months, having her around filled my days with warmth and caring, and a very nice kind of happiness. We always laughed and we always had fun; especially since we shared some common interests; like music, trains, and random adventure. Despite some things, Amber is a funny, social, giving person who loves to help and is up for lots of things. Is it any wonder we've stayed friends?

But, of course, nothing can stay perfect for too long, can it? And in this case it was issues of poly-complication(tm). Now, I won't begin to tell you I know all there is to know on navigating a polyamorous lifestyle. I'm not particularly poly, myself, to begin with. However, Amber and her SO, who was still down in SoCal, are.

Well, at least that is what we believed. Thinking it was okay to do so, we posted some Facebook stuff about our goings out. Nothing crazy about it; we saw Flogging Molly together, went to the San Francisco Symphony, visited the de Young, and saw world famous singing clown Puddles Pity Party, and even went to a Goth Prom. We had a blast; just the two of us hanging out. And, with two people dealing with so much personal garbage in each of their lives, it was what we both needed really badly.

However... because there's always an "however"... the SO was not amused. And then something happened I'm unsure of, and Amber packed up and headed home. She said she was going to deal with a few things and then head back to deal with more grandma stuff. And then the message.

Now, as I said, I'm no expert on polyamory, but I'm pretty sure if one partner is allowed extra curricular activities, so should the other, right? But apparently this isn't the case, here. And when things rattled, they rattled. As I understand it, there are agreements and rules and communication, and all that. And it seems to work for people. But when it goes south...

As of late, other things have come to light; casting even more doubt on what was what. So, now I'm out a sixteen year friendship, and left none the wiser for anything. Ah, but that which does not kill me, right?

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